Never Cry
I can't cry for me
Can't mourn the misery
Here in this endless night
with no stars or moon shining bright
No matter how you try
No I won't let me cry
Though the wounds are deep
you'll simply see the pride I keep
Mai sat talking quietly with Brussi. It was a dark winter night, only the second
winter she had spent there in Emperor Seisan's seraglio. Clouds blanketed the sky,
soaking up any star or moonlight that might have streamed down from
above. The room
was pleasantly warmed by heating vents tucked away in the baseboard of the walls.
The Namek was beginning to yawn. The Emperor had been in a generous mood that day and
had allowed the harem to take some much needed exercise in the garden
below. She had
spent much of that time exploring, climbing around the many man-made hills and stairways,
admiring the crystalline landscape. The chill hadn't bothered
her. She was glad to be
outside again after nearly two months cooped up inside.
Her friend, Brussi, had also taken advantage of the opportunity.
The Saiyan had become
more animated than Mai had seen in a while. A fire had lit her eyes and she had waged
war on some of the others, particularly Dorei, sending packed snowballs thumping into
backs and chests. Brussi had then preceded to taunt them, standing with hands on hips
atop one of the hills. She had sneered and dared them to strike back.
A few had looked like they might try. But Dorei merely stated how childish it was,
brushing the remnants of the snowball from her fur-lined cloak.
The others quickly
followed suit, declaring that Brussi was too old for such games and shouldn't act so
uncivilized still. She'd been there for so long after all.
Brussi had let loose a string of Saiyan curses and strode down the hillside when no one
bothered to react.
Mai had tried to approach her, but Brussi had snapped that she didn't need anyone's company.
Then she had disappeared into the deeper parts of the garden and didn't return until the
guards had announced they were to return indoors.
The older woman now was staring out of the window. A brooding silence had
descended. She
answered Mai's questions with little more than monosyllable
answers. Though occasionally
she offered a bit more conversation.
Their talk was interrupted when the doors to the common room were
opened. A guard stepped
inside, looked about, then walked toward them.
Mai and Brussi sat, waiting for the man to come and have his say.
The guard halted in front of them and turned to Brussi. "You, Saiyan, the Emperor has
commanded your attendance."
Brussi rose slowly from her seat. She tucked her arms behind her back, almost as if she
were feeling the urge to strike the man and felt that keeping them locked together was the
only way from doing it. Her muscles were tensed though her stance seemed relaxed.
The guard simply nodded and motioned for Brussi to the door.
Brussi obeyed. Her step wasn't quick, but neither was it
hesitant. Her feet fell with a steady
rhythm on the tile, her back held straight and head held up. She didn't look back.
Mai watched her exit the room. The guard pulled the doors shut with a resounding click.
Mai stood and headed for the doors. She knew she didn't dare open them, yet something drew her
hands up. She pressed her palms against the carved wood.
And waited.
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
Brussi kept her breathing even. Her heart she refused to let beat any quicker than normal.
She didn't gaze at any of the fine panels or plants or crystals that adorned the halls she
walked. She had seen them all before, many times. When her and the guard rounded a corner
and approached a checkpoint, she waited quietly as he quickly explained to a couple other
guards his mission.
One of the others nodded, then the pair stepped to the double doors they were assigned to
watch. The doors opened with barely a creak. The hall beyond was even more ornate then
the ones they had just come from.
Her escort ushered her through swiftly. The heavy doors behind closed with a muted
thud. The man scanned the area and, satisfied all was as it should be, prodded
her in the back to move again.
Their steps were cushioned now by a thick carpet. A rich, vermilion river flowing between
the walls and down the corridor. The air was scented with varied perfumes and incense.
It was cloying and heavy, making Brussi's throat feel closed.
They stopped before another set of double doors. These were attended by grandly armored
elite guards. Their shiny gold and silver chest plates glinted in the artificial candle
light. They crossed their beribboned spears over the portal.
"This is the Saiyan woman His Supreme Self Emperor Seisan has commanded to attend him this
night," her escort stated.
The two elite guards exchanged knowing glances and removed their
spears. One reached over
and pulled the door latch, opening the way into the Emperor's
apartments. With a swept of
his arm, he invited, "Enter."
The escort nudged Brussi again. She resumed walking, each step her feet felt heavy, like
weights pounding into the floor though they made no noise. She heard the door close behind
her, cutting short a laugh from one of the guards.
She kept walking. Her escort was still following, no longer nudging or prodding her along.
There was no need. Though she was not eager to begin this duty, she would not appear faint or afraid.
No matter how quick her heart might beat or how intensely her blood might burn.
She walked through rooms and doors... and rooms and doors, through the spacious quarters of the man
who ruled this part of the universe.
Brussi stopped a few feet away from a gigantic bed. The frame was polished, ebony
wood. Intricately
embroidered drapes hung from golden rings and were tied back with golden tasseled
ropes. Furs, satin
and silk spread like a sea of soft wind turned tangible.
"Ahh... Brussi... Brussi!"The Emperor's bass voice preceded his emergence from the dressing room
beyond. His large frame wrapped in silver threaded royal satin rumbled it's way into the bed area.
The matching silver and royal streaks in his slick, black hair glowed in the warm firelight.
He appraised her from head to toe and back again. He took a small sip of the amber liquid in the
crystal tumbler he held. His pinkish tongue working its way between his lips and wetting them.
His eyes settled on hers. After a moment, he gave a wearied
sigh." Still so much defiance in your
eyes, Brussi."
The Emperor clucked his tongue and shook his head. His own eyes began to glow with a malicious intent.
Brussi quelled the trembling that threatened to thread its way through her
body. Instead, she drew
her brows together in a contemptuous sneer. She set her mouth into a hard
line. She knew what was
coming. She would make sure she deserved it.
"You think the sight of your lumpy, dough man body would make any woman desire you?" She jeered.
Brussi threw back her head and let loose a loud, derisive laugh.
My heart will not fail
Though the wind is a gale
Thunder and lightening
no, I never found them frightening
Though demons haunt me
And enemies taunt me
Even when my strength falls
I'll walk myself these lonely halls
The crystal tumbler shattered as the Emperor's hand crushed it
tight. The escort backhanded
Brussi, bellowing, "Quiet, wench!"
Brussi refused to fall though her head had snapped hard around, even kept chuckling through
the pain of sprained muscle." You can't beat me so senseless that I would see it any other
way."
The Emperor grinned perversely, wiping the crystal, alcohol and blood from his hand onto his
robe." Oh, we shall see, Brussi. We shall see."
He motioned to the shadows and more guards stepped forth.
"Strip her!" he commanded." And bind her to the bed. Use the iron
chains. Then bring me a
ferengor. We'll see how quickly she begs tonight!"
Before Brussi could struggle any, a needle was pressed into her arm, administering a sleep
agent. She cursed and rammed her fist into the man's nose. She grinned as it crushed under
her hand, gushing out blood and mucus.
The toxin rushed through her system. She managed only a few more hits before she began to
weave, the world going out of focus, and finally falling to her knees.
The remaining guards cuffed and kicked her, reaching down to strip away her
clothes. Then
gripping her limbs tightly as they carried her to the large bed.
The iron chains were
fastened around her wrists and feet. She was stretched out on the cloud soft surface.
Her face set in a mask of anger, her teeth clenched as she tried to focus her mind.
She would not beg.
The first crack of the whip echoed in the chamber.
Bluish energy bolts skipped
across Brussi's body. She held her jaws shut tight, only allowing her lips to curl back
from her teeth in a grimace. She kept her eyes open and glared at the ceiling.
The whip struck again and again. The sound of each stroke overlapping the one before,
filling the bedroom with a rolling thunder and scattering branches of bright energy from
her body to the bed fame.
Agony stole her breath, making her dizzy from the lack. Her muscles began to spasm, pulling
into hard knots and disobeying every command from her mind to
quiet. Her limbs jerked,
causing the chains to scrape her skin raw, her back arched as her physical form tried to
escape the torture scorching through its being.
"Beg!" the Emperor demanded as he dealt another blow.
"Never!" growled Brussi in return.
"BEG!"
"NEVER!"
NEVER!
Never!
Never...
.....never...........
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
Mai started at the click of the door as it began to open. She backed away quickly, stepping
over to the chaise that was partially hidden by a flowering
plant. Sitting down, she pretended
interest in one of the instruments that had been left nearby.
She fingered the small mandolin
nervously.
She cast a glance at the door. A shadow fell across the shaft of light coming from the hall.
Shuffling footsteps slowly crossed the threshold.
A tall, spiky haired silhouette was framed in the doorway for a second before it moved into the
dimmer light of the common room. A guard followed behind. He reached for the door handle and
pulled the wooden barrier closed.
Mai bit her lip. Brussi stood there, her tail hung limp, her shoulders slumped a tiny
bit. She
didn't seem to realize she wasn't alone. All of the others, tired from the day's excursion, were
already asleep in their alcoves. She probably hadn't counted on anyone staying awake for the
return of one of their fellows.
The Saiyan took a step and stumbled. She cursed lowly, pulling her body back up from the hunched
position it had assumed. Her breathing was labored. Bruises were already blooming on her face
and other exposed parts of her skin. Some scratches and cuts were crusted with drying blood.
Mai rose from the chaise. She didn't try to be quiet, she didn't want to startle her friend.
Brussi heard the rustling of cloth and quickly drew herself up
straight. Her tail came up,
wrapping itself around her waist. She couldn't quite stop the wince that flickered on her
face.
Mai didn't miss the grimace or the almost silent intake of breath that accompanied
it. Her
heart ached as she took in each of the other woman's injuries.
One of Brussi's eyes was
beginning to swell shut. The cheek under it looked as if it might be
broken. Her wrists and
ankles were raw and oozing.
Her dress was torn, barely clinging onto the body it was supposed to cover, and was stained
from various wounds.
"Brussi..."
"Feh..."Brussi rubbed away a trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth with the back of
her hand. She grinned a little." The brat's still awake? Thought you'd be passed out by now."
"I was just..."Mai fumbled to a stop. Not sure how to admit she had been waiting up... just
in case.
"What?" Brussi demanded.
Mai gazed into Brussi's eyes. She struggled not to show pity or sorrow or sympathy, knowing the
other wouldn't appreciate it.
She must not have succeeded. Brussi's expression grew hard.
Defiant.
"I don't need a nursemaid!" the Saiyan said, her voice low and grating.
"Brussi, I didn't mean..."
"NO!" Brussi turned on her heel, swaying a bit before she managed to straighten again and strode
to her alcove. She swatted aside the drape and plunged into the small room.
I can't cry for me
Can't release my misery
Here in this endless night
with no stars or moon shining bright
Oh, no matter how you try
I just won't let me cry
Though the wounds are deep
you'll simply see the pride I keep
Mai stood silently where Brussi had left her. She crossed her arms, rubbing her hands over
her skin. She knew that the temperature in the room was kept
constant. But she felt cold.
She had simply wanted to help Brussi. To heal the wounds she knew the woman would come back
with. Mai had never seen Brussi come back without them. And they were always bad.
Mai's eyes stung with tears, though she couldn't let them fall.
Crying would only anger
Brussi more. The Saiyan had sharp ears. The other wasn't asleep, Mai could tell by the low
moans that couldn't be kept behind teeth clenched tight.
She licked her dry lips and tried to breathe calmly. She couldn't go to sleep
yet. Not until
she was sure nothing more would happen. Not until her friend slipped into deep slumber.
So she waited for the second time that night.
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
No... not even for you...
Not even for you...
Brussi finally fell into a fitful sleep. Her breathing evened out and her strained muscles
began to relax. She cradled her head on a pillow, her arms
underneath. Her undamaged cheek
pressed into the velvet and down.
The torn dress had been flung into a corner, catching on a table, draping itself around a
statue of some goddess. A stained vestment at odds with the precious jade figure.
The curtain that concealed the opening of the alcove rustled, but the unconscious woman didn't
note it. When she hadn't moved, the drape was drawn back by a delicate, emerald
hand. A
lithe form stepped cautiously into the small space.
If Brussi had awakened and observed this, she might, for a moment, have thought the figurine
had come to life. The jade goddess perhaps touched or angered by the dirty fabric that had
been thrown at it.
Some might say it was a goddess of some kind that knelt beside the woman's bed and stretched
its hands over the prone body. A gentle, white light gathered beneath the
palms. It spread
over the Saiyan's injured self and eased away the pain that had been inflicted.
The bruises faded, the cuts healed. The broken cheek knit together in less than seconds.
The swelling around the eye shrank and disappeared.
Then the light vanished.
A sigh caressed the healed skin and gently swayed a few strands of
hair. The healer smiled
wryly, knowing that Brussi wasn't likely to take this assistance well.
But that was for tomorrow. Now, it was time for sleep. For both of them.
The figure stood and padded over to the alcove opening. It looked back once, shook its
head a little, then quietly slipped out, letting the curtain fall back into place.
Brussi's eyes twitched just a little. A small bit of moisture gathered under her lashes,
clung there for a moment, then rolled down her face, falling onto the pillow and soaking
into the lush cloth.
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Can't Cry for Me
I can't cry for me
Can't mourn the misery
Here in this endless night
with no stars or moon shining bright
No matter how you try
No I won't let me cry
Though the wounds are deep
you'll simply see the pride I keep
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
My heart will not fail
Though the wind is a gale
Thunder and lightening
no, I never found them frightening
Though demons haunt me
And enemies taunt me
Even when my strength falls
I'll walk myself these lonely halls
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
I can't cry for me
Can't release my misery
Here in this endless night
with no stars or moon shining bright
Oh, no matter how you try
I just won't let me cry
Though the wounds are deep
you'll simply see the pride I keep
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
No... not even for you...
Not even for you...
Never let these tears flow
Never let this sadness show
Can't break down
in front of you
You can't have this heart
Can't give you this pride of mine
Not when the cost would be my soul
(copyright © 2003 Devon Aster)
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